Joy Luck Club

This is the second time we watched the movie in the class. Again we did not finish it. The director Wayne Wang also directs a new film, A Thousand Year of Good Prayers, (trailer) adapted from a novel by Li Yiyun. Two films are very similar since both concern the relation between mother (father)/daughter in Chinese immigrant families


Parenting becomes a hard job in many immigrant families in the US. LL searched many videos on stereotyped Chinese parents on youtube. We can make a list of stereotype of these parents:

1. care too much about grades
2. harsh and pushy on kids
3. frugal
4. nagging
5. high expectations
6. show off the achievement of their daughters and sons
7. never say "I love you" to kids
8. caring too much and kids do not have their own private space
9. they do not understand their kids, annoying (LL suggests this)
............

The Joy Luck Club resonates these stereotypes, but echoes them in a sutble way. The mother in the first story was rebellious (to her mother-in-law) , independent, and strong when she was a daughter. However, she was dominant, pushy, and picky when she becomes a mother. She set up a high expectation for her daughter and wanted her to be a prodigious pianist. She was also picky about who would be her daughter's husband. It is interesting to see how a rebellion turned into a dominant mother. She finally becomes a mother-in-law after many years a new bride (duo nian de xifu ao cheng po 多年的婿妇熬成婆). Instead of emphasizing on the endless conflict, Wang chose to show comprise between a mother and a daughter. The mother escaped a dominant mother-in-law in old China by coming to the US while her daughter compromised a dominant mother in the US. This is where, I think, the subtlest part of the story. When the mother and the daughter embraced each other and see themselves in each other, I cannot help thinking:
Is this the mother/daughter relationship supposed to be everywhere? conflict, negotiation, and comprise. Is Wang tell a universal story or a story of a story of an immigrant family?

The second story is very funny. The mother suffered a villian husband in old China. Out of hatred, she killed her own son. She betrayed that family by coming to the US. She was both a victim and a killer. She had a new marriage and a new life in the US. However, she could not stop worring about her daughter's marriage. If she herself was a victim of a wicked husband, the mother did not want this nightmare repeated on her own daughter.It seems this would not happen since she has an independent daughter who would like to share every penny with her husband.

Does this work? The life is full of black humor when a husband sent a pet cat as a gift for a wife and then after his wife to pay every expenses for that. It is more than a black humor when that husband has a salary eight times more than his wife.

The mother could not figure out what was wrong. The daughter also did not know what should be done. Both were puzzled by their past and their present. To be dependent or not to be dependent, it is a question.

Go back to the question of stereotyped Asian parenting. I cannot help asking: would these be only about Asian parents or parents in all. We have Asian parents who cared much about kids' grades. But we also American parents sent kids to various summer camps. We have Asian parents who might never say "I love you" to their kids but prepared for lunch and dinner every day for kids. We have Asian parents who are picky, pushy, and dominant, which we might also see in many other families. I can see nagging parents everywhere, not just limited to Asian parents. As for misunderstanding, it happens everywhere, not a privilege of Asian parents.

My point is: we cannot really figure out who are Asian parents just as we cannot figure out who are a traditional Chinese mother and who are westernized mother in Joy Luck Club.